In case you didn't already get the memo, May is National Masturbation Month!
For me, self-pleasure has been a longtime pastime, but at the beginning of this month I made a commitment to deepen my intention with this practice, as a part of my greater overall commitment to self-love, and as way to engage more fully with my magic.
Discovering what rocks our worlds is our birthright, and while it is delicious to share in pleasure with partners, we certainly do not need to rely on outside sources to satisfy and nourish us.
I was in a workshop with Max Madame a couple months back and they said something to the group that struck a deep chord in my heart, soul, and pussy: "You deserve to be fucked exactly how you want to be fucked. And you especially deserve to fuck yourself exactly how you want to be fucked!" (PREEEEACH).
Awakening to the fullness of our erotic worlds feeds us at the individual level and supports us in living healthier more empowered lives (which makes us all-around less sucky human beings), and at the same time, is a crucial step in inviting our partners, when we have them, to expertly read the pleasure maps of our bodies and prioritize the things that ignite our senses on all levels...the things that send electricity coursing through our veins...the things that make us melt, and drip, and literally ache with desire.
So in honor of collectively rubbing one out for the good of humankind, and inspired by the work I'm doing currently with Bad Witch Body Wisdom, I've mapped out some of my own sex woo and pleasure practices to share with you all.
The time is now to claim our pleasure as OUR OWN and love ourselves on all levels. So spark one up, set the vibe, and enjoy this step-by-step practice for intentionally rocking your own world...
1. Baby, Take Your Time :: Set aside more time for self-pleasure than you usually do. Do you generally keep your wank time to15 minutes or less? Then give yourself a half hour. Want to go deeper? Give yourself even more time. Schedule it in your Google calendar if you have to. If getting to know your body deeply is new territory, or if you're a seasoned pro but too often place self-sexytime on the backburner because other things constantly take priority, or if you are currently partnered and seldom have sex with yourself as a result, I recommend scheduling in some intentional time to pleasure yourself every day, with one longer-format (1 hour +) self-love date per week, for at least a month. I know it sounds like a lot but I promise it will seriously flip some old scripts.
2. Disconnect :: Unplug. Get off of social media. TURN OFF YOUR PHONE. Not airplane mode...not ringer on silent. (Seriously turn that shit off).
3. Get Into Your Senses :: Fuck heavily with the ambiance. Beautify your space. Take a bath. Aromatherapize and oiliate yourself. Consume an aphrodisiac if you like. Put on the sexiest playlist in your iTunes (or visit my Dutchess Soundcloud for artisanally-crafted panty-dropping playlists). Create a functional sexytime altar. If you have favorite toys, lubes, or other accoutrements, lay them all out intentionally and include any other sacred objects that would add to the vibe. (You like crystals? Great. You like butt plugs? Great. You like fancy bejeweled gemstone butt plugs? Best of all worlds).
4. Drop In :: Choose a private cozy place where you can move freely and comfortably. Stretch out on the floor or your bed (I personally prefer the grounding energy of the floor for this first part) and take many intentional breaths, just like you would at the beginning of a yoga practice, or when you sit down to meditate. Begin to breathe in three parts: first filling the lower belly/pelvic bowl, and then the lowest ribs, and then the upper chest. At the top of the inhale, contract your pelvic floor muscles and retain your in-breath. When you need to exhale, continue contracting your pelvic floor, while you let the breath empty from your upper chest first, then your lowest ribs, and then your belly. As you finish the exhale, release your pelvic floor muscles. Repeat this for as many breaths as you like.
5. Find Your Flow :: Begin to move slowly, in any and all ways that connect you in to your sensuality. Start with the subtleties...gently run your thumbs across all your fingertips, slowly roll through the neck and shoulders, touch your lips and your face, run your fingers through your hair, roll and circle the hips, grind on the floor, do literally whatever the fuck brings you into your earthiest and most primal expression. Really FEEL YOURSELF and luxuriate in your movement. Close your eyes. Take time to caress your ENTIRE body before you dive deeper (AKA: below the belt). Let the entire journey become an exploration of the most pleasurable sensations you are capable of feeling in your body. As you touch yourself in all of these ways, hold a vision of yourself as whole, loved, supported, and deserving of all the pleasure you desire. Let the vision of YOU in your most orgasmic and fulfilled state TURN YOU ON. When you're ready to go further, touch your sex with the same intention and presence as you touched the rest of your body.
5. Stay With You :: If you start to get lost in fantasy land, and begin imagining all the freaky things you want to do with someone else (which is great fun, and something I totally get off on, but for this practice, it's literally all about YOU), come back to the present moment, your body, your senses, and your loving. Let your awareness drop down into your root. Take time to vary your touch, stop occasionally, or slow down as you ride the waves.
6. Ride The Edge :: When you feel like you're on the edge of orgasm, bring the energy back down and pause to breathe into that electric feeling in your cells. Take your time and let it build again. Visit this edge as many times as you like until you're ready to surrender into your orgasm. As you begin to peak, let the vision of yourself as whole, loved, supported, and deserving of all the pleasure you desire crystalize in your mind's eye, and as the waves of pleasure wash over you, feel yourself bathed in the ancient and indisputable truth of your orgasmic nature. (Or you can also choose to build up to that edge, close the practice before you climax, and enjoy marinating in the juice until your next orgasm...which is its own unique flavor of satisfaction). Keep one hand on your sex and place the other at heart center, and come back to slow intentional breaths, and spiritually high-five yourself for that bomb-ass loving.
7. Let The Entire Journey Be Pleasure :: Like I said before: this entire journey is meant to be an exploration of the most pleasurable sensations you are capable of feeling. Orgasm does not have to be the end result or even the goal. Liberating yourself into the primal nature of your sensuality is all that matters here. And pleasure is not one size fits all! This roadmap is just one way to heighten your senses and bring ritual into your self-sexytime. Take what you like and tailor it to fit your own needs and desires, or create your own unique intentional self-pleasure practice. Give yourself over to it and see how your life and your loving begins to change!